03 February 2008

How to Grade Finals

In case any of you readers are new or soon-to-be teachers, I thought I'd post this handy guide to grading final exams.

  1. Retrieve exams from car. Notice that elves have not magically been working on them.
  2. Curse elves.
  3. Set finals on desk, table, or other workspace. Notice that the surrounding area needs cleaning. Do that first.
  4. Fix a snack and put a movie in the DVD player to watch while you work on marking papers.
  5. Read one paper. Resist urge to commit Hari Kari over poor work.
  6. Take a break.
  7. Call a friend. Perhaps s/he would like to help you read? Listen to sound of hysterical laughter.
  8. Curse friend.
  9. Try looking at another paper or two. That's a big stack, isn't it? Wonder aloud why you aren't one of those scan-tron teachers.
  10. Curse self.
  11. Start the laundry. Work on paying the bills.
  12. Read a few more papers.
  13. Take a nap. You've earned it after working so hard.
  14. Decide to get serious. Grading this is akin to band-aid removal: the faster you make it happen, the sooner the pain will subside.
  15. Speaking of painkiller, get a glass of nice red wine as attitude adjustment.
  16. Mark several more papers.
  17. Refill wine glass.
  18. Repeat steps 16 and 17 as often as necessary to finish grading final exams. This part of the list will move quickly.
  19. The next morning, curse hangover.
There, that's not so bad, is it?


Roger Sweeny said...

I grading a stack of physics midterms now and am up to step 15--but I've been using coffee, not wine. Maybe that's my problem.

The Science Goddess said...

Hey, whatever it takes to make it through.

I feel your pain...

CSA Farmer Girl said...

So the question is would you rather be the first student (paper graded sober) or the last (paper graded when somewhat less so)!

The Science Goddess said...

Oh, definitely the last. "It's all good!"

Hugh O'Donnell said...

Where were you when I needed you...like before I retired! :)

The Science Goddess said...

I'm sure that your presence in the classroom would still be welcome. Come on back and grade some finals!

Hugh O'Donnell said...

=HIC= ... =HIC= ... huh?

Athena said...

Damn elves. Who do you complain to? They never do my correcting either! I nicely leave the papers in my classroom all weekend, waiting....Monday, nothing.


The Science Goddess said...

I'm sure it's the government's fault. :)

Perhaps your parent caller person could take the elves on, too?

Athena said...

Oh, Yeah!! First thing Monday, I will write her a note to contact the government agency in charge of elves with a list of complaints: no correcting done, room a mess from their weekend parties, coffee stains on my desk, etc.

Maybe not.

I think the office ladies laugh at me enough in Spanish the way it is!! :O)