27 June 2005

Whew.

Apart from stopping by in the morning on their way out of town, my time with bmom and hubby is done. We have all had a good visit. I am very tired of having company, though, and am still stuck with amom until Friday afternoon.

Bmom and I have a lot in common. And as someone who wasn't raised with the "nature" part of things---only "nurture"---it's very refreshing. Let's be honest, though. There are no genes for teaching. For cross-stitch. For colour/clothing preferences. And for a host of other choices we humans make. At best, we might be able to say that some neural pathways/structures are encoded...and that would explain why bmom and I act like twins separated at birth. (The "separated at birth" part still applies in a way.) But it is so weird for me to realize just how strong genetics has been in influencing the person I am today. Amom and I don't have a lot of similar interests. I know that this sort of thing is not confined to adoptees.

As for my fathers?

It is likely that bdad is dead. When I found him 7 years ago, he had been suffering with Parkinson's disease for some time. I wouldn't be surprised to find that he had succumbed to it by now. You can probably tell that bdad and I didn't build a successful relationship, but I am at peace with that. And I believe he was, too. He couldn't handle admitting to having a child, even a 29-year old one. But he did his best to answer my questions and tell me something of his life.

Adad has been dead for over 6 years now and I miss him everyday. It was his love of the sciences that guided me there...his endearing sense of humor that taught me to laugh and think...and far more.

I like to believe that I have "adopted" bmom's nature and adad's nurture. The truth is probably closer to me being an amalgam of all four of my parents, although not in equal parts. Family is often something that you choose. Our lives are filled with all kinds of people who have contributed to who we are. And as adults, I suppose we have to decide what to do with those gifts. I hope that my family, whoever they all may claim to be, would approve of mine.

Back to school blogging tomorrow. :)

1 comment:

Fred said...

Very poignant post.

I was good friends with an adoptee in high school; he knew his natural parents and was able to successfully build a relationship with them.

I always wondered how his adopted parents felt as they never showed anything other than encouragement for his efforts.